Have You Recently Been Separated From Your
Partner and Family?
you have been separated from your family against your wishes, you are
probably feeling a mixture of emotions including: shock, disbelief,
anger, remorse, sorrow and sadness. If these painful feelings override
your common sense you might say and do things that make your situation
even worse. You may desperately attempt to return to your family as soon
as possible or punish them for rejecting you.
During this difficult time there are a
number of things you should and shouldn’t do.
When relationships collapse it’s common for people to blame their
partners. It takes courage to admit you may have said and done things
that damaged your relationship as well. You will likely repeat the same
pattern in the future no matter who you are with until you learn greater
self-control. Counselling can help you with this.
Remember, that a family crisis is a
short term event that represents a turning point. Be pro-active and get
counselling to deal with your emotions during this challenging time.
Things that will make the situation worse!
Harass your partner by telephone,
mail or in person, either at home or at work.
Threaten to harm your partner, the
children or yourself.
Pressure relatives and friends to
“talk some sense into your partner.”
Use the children to manipulate your
Push for a quick decision.
Withhold money for household bills.
Act up until you get arrested.
Quit your job and leave the area.
Take your frustration out on police
officers or other authority figures.
These actions will cause your partner to
have even harder feelings and may result in a permanent separation.
Things that will improve the situation
and your family.
Seek counselling to help you deal
with the crisis more effectively.
Join a treatment group, if you need
to, such as Alcoholics, Narcotics, or Gamblers Anonymous (Check the
phone book for listings.)
Obey restraining orders and other
If there is no restraining order,
write one letter to your partner stating that you wish to patch
things up then…
Leave your partner alone to decide
when your next contact will be.
Accept the fact that empty promises
will not solve anything and only constructive actions can help now.
Live up to all of your commitments.
Be prompt and polite.
Keep working. Pay the bills. Keep
yourself and your place clean.
Find out where you can obtain
marital counseling and pay for it if you can.
Find a support group for
separated/divorced people. Contact your local Mental Health Clinic
or Community Information Centre for information.
If you get back together, follow
through on your promise to obtain professional help as a couple or
Edmonton - Alberta
Anger Management Online
Used as a guide by support groups for separated and divorced people, Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher et al, helps reduce the suffering associated with returning to singlehood.
What counts in
making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but
how you deal with incompatibility.
Divorce is one of the most financially traumatic things you can go through. Money
spent on getting mad or getting even is money wasted.
Divorce is like an amputation. Sometimes it's necessary but it should be avoided if at all possible because it brings about a permanent disability.